I recently realized that I am just now coming out of the overwhelming shock of my diagnosis. I talked in my last post about ‘dreamwalking’ and think that has been my state since October. I somehow managed to keep it together enough to work for a while, to submit the application for disability, to make and show up on time for tests and doctor appointments. I have blindly accepted whatever treatment was offered, not knowing there could be more. We did have a discussion with my oncologist early on; and he did outline what was available and what he thought I should do. I agreed because I wanted to get started and beat this thing.
This week was when things changed. I have tied in with some online lung cancer supports and have found out there are so many different treatment options out there. So today, I had a frank discussion with my team member and am satisfied I am getting the best treatment for me at this point in time. I am also encouraged that my oncologist is a leader in the field, and is proactive in changing protocols for his patients, including getting them in for treatment trials anywhere in the country. So now I feel I can breathe again. And I’m more optimistic. And I’m starting to get back to a more normal life. I know that at best I can expect to just manage this – I don’t expect a cure. But there can be remission when the tumors stay the size they are, and that’s what I’m aiming for at this point. If the tumors get small enough, there is a chance that radiation can finish the job. But for right now, I’ll take the chemo, bear the side effects (but there’s usually a drug for that!!), and continue the fight.
I still have to be careful of infection, so it’s important to keep an eye on my white count. I did once have to have a shot to stimulate production of white cells – and it worked. But I still can’t be around crowds, which makes shopping a bit of a problem! But with the antiseptic wipes I have I’m comfortable at least going grocery and pet food shopping. And if my white count gets too low, I’ll just have to wear a mask. I refuse to be sick any more. I’m not going to be an ‘invalid’ and I will beat this thing.
Onward and upward!!