Discouraging News

My CEA level (tumor marker) went up from 20 to 26.1 after a drop last time from 25 to 20. I’m trying very hard not to get really down about this, but I am discouraged. I thought things were going so well, and it’s easy to berate myself for being so optimistic and getting kicked in the butt for it. I know things haven’t gotten worse because of my optimism, but that’s in my head. In my heart, I’m sure I got too cocky and now am getting my just desserts. This head-heart war is tiring.

I know this increase could just be a blip or something, and I’m trying to stay positive, and optimistic, and not worry. But it’s hard not to worry. I won’t have another appointment for a little over 2 weeks, and I know I’m going to fret and worry that whole time. So I have a call in for my PA, who won’t be in until Monday, to see if we can have a discussion about what this may or may not mean. I know my partner and I will worry ourselves silly over this until the next blood test. I have to keep in perspective that my initial CEA was over 70 when I began treatment. I will not panic about this. I will not panic; I will not panic. Okay, maybe for a minute or two.

In the meantime, I intend to eat some chocolate; chocolate is medicine and will make me feel better. 🙂

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Some good news

The MRI went well today with the IV sedation. No panicking at all, just a little antsy from not being able to move for 45 minutes. The meeting with the doctor went well, too. The MRI showed a ‘normal’ brain (as if anything about me is ‘normal’! LOL) and the PET scan shows only tumors in lungs and liver – nothing in bones, lymph nodes, or anywhere else. We are both feeling quite relieved, to say the least.

The doc also prescribed a new cough medicine – the dry hacking has been horrible and keeps my awake at night and the inhaler wasn’t working quite as well.

I am feeling more optimistic at the moment. Not knowing how extensive the metastasis is has been a major source of anxiety for both of us. Tomorrow I’ll have the biopsy but won’t know the results until we meet with the doc again late on Monday afternoon.

The MRI was at Oro Valley Hospital; neither of us have been there before but were both quite impressed with everyone we met. The architecture inside the building is beautiful and there are niches containing artwork throughout the main areas. Very impressive. The only fly in the ointment today was the sticker shock when I learned the insurance wouldn’t pay for this test because I still have to meet my deductible, which is pretty high. Fortunately, paying that bill won’t break us.

So onward and upward, dear friends!!