Depression

Depression is a strange creature. It can come out of nowhere, take the wind out of my sails, slam into me knocking me off my feet, and then disappear as fast as it appeared. There are days when I don’t want to even get out of bed. Those are the days I’m glad we have the furbabies, because I am responsible for their breakfast while my partner is up on the roof. Then he gives them dinner. I wake up each morning to a little furry body curled closely into mine and another one at my feet. What a wonderful way to wake up!

Today, I had to drag myself out of the house to the gym; the last time I went was a week ago. I knew I would feel better if I went, but the chemo knocked me on my butt last week, and I couldn’t shake the fatigue. I told myself yesterday that I needed to go, but could not overcome the inertia to even get dressed until mid-afternoon. Chemo causes fatigue, and feeling fatigued makes me feel overwhelmed, and that makes me feel depressed.

So today I did go to the gym for the cardio workout class. I felt pooped but energized afterwards – if that makes sense. And I think the last of the fatigue and depression are gone for now, so I expect to feel good for another two weeks.

My oncologist had mentioned on the last visit that he thought I might qualify for a clinical trial up in Phoenix, but then said maybe we should wait for the next CT scan in 3 months. But then on Friday I received a call saying I should set up an appointment to meet with the clinical trial people. So tomorrow we will drive to Phoenix to meet with them. It’s a 90 minute drive give or take depending on the traffic, and all interstate. I’m so glad we have a newish vehicle to go in! So today we topped up the tires, the fluids, and gas, and will embark on a new adventure. I don’t know if I will qualify for the trial, and I really don’t know much about the trial so we both have lots of questions. I hope the trip will be worth it. 

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