Status check

My CT scan showed no progression of the cancer and there was some regression in the size of one or two tumors while a third seemed to be gone. My liver enzymes were elevated and that is what the oncologist thinks caused the increase in my CEA level. We will continue to monitor CEA as it’s showing an upward trend and do another CT scan in 3 months. If there is progression, he wants another biopsy to test for more mutations (the first one didn’t have enough tissue to do much testing other than to show negative for ROS-1) and try for a clinical trial of immune therapy currently underway in another part of the state. We are relieved at no size increase in the tumors, and for an explanation for the CEA increase. He seems pleased with my progress and sounded encouraging. In the meantime, we’ll continue with the Pemetrexed.

My oxygen saturation levels have been running in the 95-96% range, which is good. Yesterday, the level was 99-100%. I have to attribute this to the exercise I’ve been doing at the gym. It’s encouraging to know that all that sweating and aches and pains are paying off. I haven’t lost any weight, but I haven’t gained any more either. I’m going to keep going to the gym as much as I can and maybe I will lose some of the pounds that have piled on over the past 6 months. The increase in oxygen saturation is an unexpected benefit.

I went to the Dermatologist today for a skin check. If I had known it would be the day after a chemo infusion I probably would have changed the appointment, but I’m glad now it’s done. She didn’t find anything suspicious, but she did burn off a few plaques that were constantly catching on things and bleeding all over everything. As a friend said, it feels like being blow-torched like creme brulee (not sure I’ll ever be able to eat creme brulee again after that analogy!) but at least I don’t have to go back for a year unless something comes up before then.

I’m starting to feel as if I can live normally – at least for a while – and go to the dentist, and have other checkups done that are overdue.

 

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Nothing to Report

It’s been awhile since I wrote a post, and that’s a good thing, because it means nothing new. But now my scan date is approaching, and I find myself getting a little anxious already. I’m afraid that the cancer has grown, but I know the CEA level isn’t necessarily a good indication. Between now and Tuesday afternoon, I have to try to settle myself down instead of allowing my imagination to run wild.

On a positive note, I have started going to the gym. My Medicare Supplement Plan comes with a free gym membership, so I decided it would be silly not to take advantage of it. I am seriously out of shape and overweight. Some of it is inactivity and overeating, some of it is the steroids. Even if I don’t lose weight I will feel better, and I already feel more energized. There are lots of exercise sessions as well as Yoga, and Pilates, and water aerobics. I’m starting out easy with the ‘old people’ classes and will eventually, I hope, graduate to Zumba, because that looks like fun and I miss dancing.

 

Body Image

We women have bodies in every size and shape. The range of hair color is amazing. Eye color, too. So why are we never satisfied with what we have, with the way our bodies look? We are short and tall, thin and not-so-thin, have hair that is blonde, brunette, black, red; that’s wavy, curly, or straight. Our eyes are brown, blue, hazel, green, violet, black. Whatever we have we want something different. If we’re short, we wish we were tall; if we have straight hair, we wish it was curly; if we have curly hair, we wish it was straight. Some of these things we can change; colored contact lenses, perms, straighteners, hair dyes. But our bodies are something different. We can’t be what we are not, even though there are those out there who tell us we can.

And I’m not totally blameless here, either. I’m short and wished I were taller. I’ve never, ever, had a perfectly flat belly. I’ve fought my weight since puberty. Then somewhere around the age of 50, I began to truly understand that I would never have the body I thought I wanted. My body is determined to stay the shape it is and nothing I can do will change that.

I came of age in the 60s, when Twiggy was the latest thing in fashion. Her boyish body made all of us feel fat, even if we weren’t. Fashion model figures are unobtainable for almost all of us, so why do we still try? The few top fashion models are fortunate that they have the body shape and bone structure to look the way they do. And they have to work hard at maintaining that famined look. I was happy to see there is an 80 something fashion model who is still working; that there are more models out there with curves instead of sharp angles; and there are now plus-sized models who are well-known.

Change comes slowly to society, and it has to be demanded by the majority, and it has to be sold as absolutely necessary. I often ponder some of the things we women are expected to do and be. Who decided that hair on women’s legs and underarms was a bad thing and should be removed? Who decided that women wearing dresses or skirts had to wear stockings or pantyhose, or tights? And who decided that women’s breasts had to be confined and constrained in corsets and bras? Who came up with the idea that women had to wear makeup to look good? Many of us have bought into these ideas and now can’t imagine not doing some of these things. We were raised to think these were good; not doing them was bad. I admire the women with enough courage to break the mold. They are the women we should appreciate as good role models.

I have learned to love my body. It is the only one I will have in this life and still works wonderfully well considering how old it is. It isn’t perfect by society’s standards, but it’s perfect for me, and that’s what’s important. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never have a model’s body; that I will never be tall; that clothes never fit quite right. But I can also alter clothes so they do fit well; I can carry myself with good posture and grace; I can continue to eat healthy foods and exercise with the goal of being fit. I have this one body, this one life, and feel blessed to have it.