A Little Bit of This; A Little Bit of That

I have been on edge and irritable for the last couple of days, and this is probably going to be one big whiny post, so you have been warned. Part of it is not knowing whether or not we can find another treatment that will be effective, and part of it is the pain in my hands and feet, and part of it is the state of things in general.

I have arthritis in my finger joints, especially the first joint on the first finger of each hand. And both of those fingers are gradually rotating themselves and getting totally crooked. But what is really problematic is the neuropathy in fingers and toes. It isn’t like the pins and needles you get when feeling starts coming back after a foot has gone to sleep. This is more like stabbing aches in fingers, toes, and soles of my feet to the point that I’m having to take Tylenol.

And then there’s the ear thing. It isn’t exactly ringing; it’s more like that feeling of pressure when you’re underwater. It hasn’t affected my hearing, thank goodness. I’ve always had extra sharp hearing and that hasn’t changed.

I almost forgot the brain fog. We were at the grocery store earlier in the week, and I forgot my PIN # for my debit card. No big deal because that happens periodically. But then when we got home, I could not remember picking out the fruit that we unpacked. And I know I’m the one that picked it out because Steve picks out the veggies, and I pick the fruit. Having no memory of that really freaked me out. I’ve had the can’t-remember-the-right-word often and can handle that. But this was sort of like a blackout and that scared me. It hasn’t happened since; at least not that I remember. Ha ha ha.

I know these are from the Pemetrexed, and I know I won’t be taking that again because of the severe reactions I had with the last two infusions. But I’m tired. I’m tired of the aches and pains and everything else associated with chemo and cancer. I really am trying to stay positive, but some days, like today, I just have a hard time. And I have found that writing about it really does help.

I had the PET/CT scan earlier this week; I will have blood work done on Tuesday; and we will meet with my oncologist on Thursday. No matter what the scan showed, I hope we can come up with a new treatment plan. Whether or not it will work remains to be seen. The first chemo combo I had was supposed to be the easiest one for people to deal with; not so for me. What happens next will depend on the results of the scan and the blood work.

Stay tuned…

16 thoughts on “A Little Bit of This; A Little Bit of That

  1. Ruth, you have every right to complain. In addition to all the aches and pains, just the dad to day management of this disease is exhausting. I hope you and your team are able to come up with a good treatment plan for you. Have you discussed any of the immunotherapy trials?

  2. I don’t have any memes or cheesy cliches…you deserve better. This is a brutal reality you’re living…an agonizing trek through the worst of the worst of cancer. I’m so sorry that this is all happening to you…your poor, tired body…and mind too. I say ouch with you. I care so deeply, I know nothing said can help take all this away. Just know how much I/we all love you and are sitting in this with you all the way. ❤

  3. There is a PD-1 trial up in Scottsdale, but I didn’t qualify because my tumors hadn’t progressed. I’ll have to wait until Thursday to see if I now qualify. In the meantime, I’m searching all the available trials to see if there’s one I do qualify for. And I need to talk about the gene testing.

  4. I have experienced some of your complaints and I haven’t had chemo! I blame it on 34 years of shift work. It’s okay to whine. I do it often and in writing. Take care, Ruth.


  5. Ruth, I don’t know if this was intentional or not, but your title to this post brings the Fiddler on the Roof song “Anatevka” to my mind. (Lyrics here: http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/fiddler_on_the_roof_soundtrack/anatevka_lyrics-lyrics-1162639.html) and of course, while that song is a lament, it is also powerful.

    So thanks for updating us on how your are feeling. And I send you love and strength. Keep on keeping on, Ruth. Sometimes that is all we can do — and all it takes.

  6. It wasn’t intentional, Anne. At least not for that song. There is another song I’ll have to find that I thought of as soon as I came up with the post title.

  7. Ruth, for someone in a challenging situation you are doing far less whining than many of us might.
    It must be a full time job keeping track of your disease, symptoms, meds, etc. Seems like you are doing the best anyone could in your position.
    Keep us posted on your results and new plan.

  8. Ruth, based on what I’ve been reading on your blog, you have every reason to whine, although I would consider this blog a mini-whine. All of us in this situation know that life is not fair but we have to keep putting one foot ahead of the other to make it to the next day. And that is the goal: keep making it to the next day. Sometimes the junk just keeps building up and you gotta let it out. Even with stage 4 myself, I cannot say I’ve had nearly as tough of a time as many in that category, including yourself. And luckily I’ve found a trial (AZD9291) just 20 minutes away.

    Take care. Thinking about you and sending positive thoughts.

  9. Thank you, Denise. I try not to whine because that puts the focus on the negative things in my life. But sometimes I need to whine and get it out of my system so I can get back to a positive focus.

  10. Hi, Craig, and thanks for your comments. I’m so happy you found a trial that’s close to you. Good luck with the A-team. And writing out my whines does make me feel better.

  11. Iva Pokorny says:

    OMG .. of course you need to whine .. and scream bloody murder .. and cry until you melt away. I wish I could give you a band-aid and say .. Everything is ok now. You can go and play now.. Remember when our ills were fixed magically by a band-aid? And then our children´s ills when they were small? Life can be so unfair … seem to lack meaning or direction. Ruth, girl .. dear sweet girl .. I hear you and I wrap my arms around you and give you my shoulder to rest upon .. for as long as you want.

  12. I also have arthritis, Ruth and I use a magnetic bracelet which really eases the pain and takes the swelling down. I spoke to my doctor about and he said it’s just rubbish and there is no scientific reason why it should work. Well, I keep using it and it works for me so I guess it’s a case of trail and error for everyone.

    You have every right to complain with all the problems you’re having. But you’ve still got an awesome sense of humour 😀

  13. Thanks, Dianne! 😀

    I know the magnetic bracelets work for some. I haven’t tried it – maybe it would help. I don’t have any swelling in the joints – just the achies – and some days are worse than others.

Ruth passed away from cancer. Please remove from list

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