I have been on edge and irritable for the last couple of days, and this is probably going to be one big whiny post, so you have been warned. Part of it is not knowing whether or not we can find another treatment that will be effective, and part of it is the pain in my hands and feet, and part of it is the state of things in general.
I have arthritis in my finger joints, especially the first joint on the first finger of each hand. And both of those fingers are gradually rotating themselves and getting totally crooked. But what is really problematic is the neuropathy in fingers and toes. It isn’t like the pins and needles you get when feeling starts coming back after a foot has gone to sleep. This is more like stabbing aches in fingers, toes, and soles of my feet to the point that I’m having to take Tylenol.
And then there’s the ear thing. It isn’t exactly ringing; it’s more like that feeling of pressure when you’re underwater. It hasn’t affected my hearing, thank goodness. I’ve always had extra sharp hearing and that hasn’t changed.
I almost forgot the brain fog. We were at the grocery store earlier in the week, and I forgot my PIN # for my debit card. No big deal because that happens periodically. But then when we got home, I could not remember picking out the fruit that we unpacked. And I know I’m the one that picked it out because Steve picks out the veggies, and I pick the fruit. Having no memory of that really freaked me out. I’ve had the can’t-remember-the-right-word often and can handle that. But this was sort of like a blackout and that scared me. It hasn’t happened since; at least not that I remember. Ha ha ha.
I know these are from the Pemetrexed, and I know I won’t be taking that again because of the severe reactions I had with the last two infusions. But I’m tired. I’m tired of the aches and pains and everything else associated with chemo and cancer. I really am trying to stay positive, but some days, like today, I just have a hard time. And I have found that writing about it really does help.
I had the PET/CT scan earlier this week; I will have blood work done on Tuesday; and we will meet with my oncologist on Thursday. No matter what the scan showed, I hope we can come up with a new treatment plan. Whether or not it will work remains to be seen. The first chemo combo I had was supposed to be the easiest one for people to deal with; not so for me. What happens next will depend on the results of the scan and the blood work.