Overwhelm

I recently realized that I am just now coming out of the overwhelming shock of my diagnosis. I talked in my last post about ‘dreamwalking’ and think that has been my state since October. I somehow managed to keep it together enough to work for a while, to submit the application for disability, to make and show up on time for tests and doctor appointments. I have blindly accepted whatever treatment was offered, not knowing there could be more. We did have a discussion with my oncologist early on; and he did outline what was available and what he thought I should do. I agreed because I wanted to get started and beat this thing.

This week was when things changed. I have tied in with some online lung cancer supports and have found out there are so many different treatment options out there. So today, I had a frank discussion with my team member and am satisfied I am getting the best treatment for me at this point in time. I am also encouraged that my oncologist is a leader in the field, and is proactive in changing protocols for his patients, including getting them in for treatment trials anywhere in the country. So now I feel I can breathe again. And I’m more optimistic. And I’m starting to get back to a more normal life. I know that at best I can expect to just manage this – I don’t expect a cure. But there can be remission when the tumors stay the size they are, and that’s what I’m aiming for at this point. If the tumors get small enough, there is a chance that radiation can finish the job. But for right now, I’ll take the chemo, bear the side effects (but there’s usually a drug for that!!), and continue the fight.

I still have to be careful of infection, so it’s important to keep an eye on my white count. I did once have to have a shot to stimulate production of white cells – and it worked. But I still can’t be around crowds, which makes shopping a bit of a problem! But with the antiseptic wipes I have I’m comfortable at least going grocery and pet food shopping. And if my white count gets too low, I’ll just have to wear a mask. I refuse to be sick any more. I’m not going to be an ‘invalid’ and I will beat this thing.

Onward and upward!!

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10 thoughts on “Overwhelm

  1. If I don’t take control, the cancer will, and then I’m done. So my taking control started when I shaved my head because that was better than having clumps of it on my pillow, clogging the drains, and attaching itself to my eyelashes. And being bald isn’t actually bad – I’m enjoying it!!

  2. Attagirl, Ruth!! You are exhibiting an unbeatable attitude, and I love that you are taking control. Plus finding out about your options is always important. I’m sure my brother-in-law is still alive 10 years after his cancer diagnosis because he had the ability to investigate his options — even going so far as traveling across the country to speak personally with doctors who are experts in his particular type of cancer.

Ruth passed away from cancer. Please remove from list

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