It seems to me that cancer is a waiting game. I wait for a diagnosis; I wait for treatment; I wait to see what the side effects are going to be; I wait to see if the treatment is going to work. And the waiting part is wearing. And so are the side effects. I’ve been having weird, transient, stabbing twinges today. That isn’t on the list of side effects anywhere. So I’m not sure if it’s from the chemo or not. It’s not really pain. So I guess I’ll see what happens tomorrow.
Today my hair started falling out. And even though I knew it was going to happen, it was a shock. All I did was run my hands through my hair, just like I usually do a lot during the day, and there was a lot of hair in my hand. My hair has never been thick, or full, but fine and thin. But the thought of having no hair at all is a little depressing. I tell myself I will save money on cuts and color, on shampoo and conditioner, and feel I’m lucky this is going into winter so wearing a wig won’t be so unbearably hot; but it really doesn’t help. I’m not a vain person – I can go all day without looking in the mirror – but I hate the thought of being bald. On the other hand, maybe I’ll like it and keep my head shaved. No, I don’t think so.