Whining, and other nasty habits

We all know them; those people who are always whining about something. Or talking about how unlucky they are. Or extolling the virtues of having nothing good happen to them. I have a friend or two like that. They wear me down if I listen to them too long. And, I’ll admit it, there are times I want to slap the whine right out of them. I want to rant and jump up and down on their heads and tell them how good they have it compared to some other people I know. I don’t know what makes some people so negative while others are always positive no matter what happens.

I have to think about my own life and how negative I used to be. When I hear my friends whining about inconsequential things, I think back to when I was younger – was a a whiner like that? And the answer is, yes, I probably was. I felt so beaten down by my life that I couldn’t see anything positive. I did manage to change how I thought, and I try to help others to become more positive. But I forgot that in order for someone to change, s/he has to first realize there is a reason to change, and then has to want to change. There are people who are perfectly happy being miserable – my mother was one of those. So they are not going to change.

I have one friend, I’ll call her Karen, who is going through a difficult time right now. She has cancer, no job, and no health insurance. She could so easily fall into the pity pot and whine and cry; but she didn’t. She set out to find how she could get her life saving surgery and gathered up an impressive support network. I know she will be fine.

I have another friend, I’ll call her Kathy, who has a wonderful life. She has a good job, a strong family connection, and friends all over the world. But she is constantly whining about how she can’t find a good man; about how the only luck she ever has is bad luck; and how some of these bad things ‘could only happen’ to her. She doesn’t really believe she has any worth, and she will continue to attract negative events and people to her.

I truly believe we teach people who to treat us by how we treat ourselves. Karen has friends who would do anything for her; Kathy has friends who will continue to use and abuse her. The only difference between these two people is their attitude about life and their expectations about how life will treat them.

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12 thoughts on “Whining, and other nasty habits

  1. I fear that I walk a middle road. I can, on occasion, be quite whiny with my ‘first world’ worries. On the other hand, I tend to be of the ‘pick yourself up and get back to work’ ilk. Like most things in life, there are people who have it worse and people who have it better. The trick is to be relatively satisfied with where you’re at or to change it.

  2. I also want to slap whiny people! 😉 I’ve known people in my life who have had shocking things happen to them and they take it in their stride and move on. Then I’ve known others who appear to have it all and whine about every bloody thing – it’s really annoying. As my mother would say ‘It’s not what happens to you in life, it’s how you deal with it that is important.’ 😀

  3. Oh goodness I’m right there with you Ruth. I put whiners and gossiper-mongers in the same category. They are toxic for my happy balance. It’s tough though, when they’re a friend, to ask them to change the subject or just to walk away. I guess it’s a sign of maturity when you don’t allow those people to affect you.

  4. I try to get along with life as it comes…bad things happen…but they happen to others too, it just doesn’t target me.
    Good things happen….I make the most of them.

    i have a whiner of a sister in law.
    She has, and has had, by anyone’s standards, a good life. She has plenty..and I mean plenty ….of money. She has dumped her husband of 37 years for a man she always wanted to be with….she lives in a superb house….but she’s not happy.
    She is convinced that life is treating her unfairly, that everyone’s hand is against her…..

    Totally toxic.

  5. Good article. It amuses me sometimes – if you try and turn a conversation to the positive, people can turn on you! If you can’t avoid the whiners, spend less time with them.

  6. My Mom was like that Helen; the whole world was conspiring against her. She dropped friends like hot potatoes if they dared to contradict her. I am so glad I’m not like that now!

Ruth passed away from cancer. Please remove from list

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